How do you know if a woman is interested in you? How significant are these signals? Should it affect your actions and the way you talk to them?
To put it simply, indicators of interest are the verbal or nonverbal display of a woman’s attraction to you. There aredifferent degrees of signal that she likes you, whether she’s touching you or she’s outright telling you that she wants to go home with you.
Now, let me preface this article by saying that nothing is an exact science. There are thousands of different variables and external influences, but as guys, we tend to be a bit slow on the uptake when it comes to reading indicators of interest, so below I have listed the main ones to look out for and graded them, from 1 tick suggesting “somewhat significant” to 5 ticks meaning “game on”!
Notable Indicators of Interest
She laughs a lot at your jokes and they aren’t particularly funny. ✔
Can be a strong sign but I gave this one tick because often girls can be nervous and laughing at your jokes is their way of releasing the awkward tension created between you two.
She tilts her head while talking to you. ✔
When girls expose their neck, it is their way of feminising themselves and making themselves more vulnerable so as to create that polarity. It can also, however, be a way of lowering their status to show empathy towards you. A similar movement is when they dip their chin down and look up at you.
She asks a lot of questions. ✔
I know that when I’m not into a girl, I often default to a train of questions, because it keeps the conversation going without creating any emotional impact. So, on one level it can be a good sign that she wants to know more about you – on another level, it could be her way of going through the awkward social pleasantries. If she asks your name or your age early on in the conversation, this is usually a sign she’s interested.
She touches her hair a lot. ✔
This can be a good sign, although I tend not to focus on it too much, because often a girl can just be on edge and feel very self-conscious about how she looks. Also, some girls just like playing with their hair, in the same way some guys like to play with their balls!
She forces rapport. ✔✔
They will shout “Aww, teach me”, or “OMG I want to do that”, to your boring interests. They will also agree with most of what you say.
She touches you a lot as you are talking. ✔✔
This is generally a good sign, although it could also be that she’s just very animated and feels comfortable with you. She could also just be very tactile. Playfully batting you is a more progressive sign and if her touch becomes a lingering trace with her fingertips, you can be sure she likes you.
She stands close to you, or lurks around you. ✔✔
As guys, we tend to choose the part of the train platform with the best-looking girl, sometimes even without being conscious of it. Girls will also often lurk near the guys they like in social settings. In fact, they’ll often stand with their backs to you, because it allows them to be even closer.
She accuses you of being a player. ✔✔
She is attracted to the badboy image you are portraying. Never deny it, but instead put the pressure back on her by asking her to describe what a player looks like.
She maintains eye contact after a transaction. ✔✔
When you next get served by an attractive female bar woman or sales associate, look in her eyes directly as she hands you your change. Most won’t reciprocate eye contact, but there will be a beautiful moment where if she does look back at you, you can feel if she is attracted to you or not. (Of course, you must discern the ones who are just being ultra-friendly, but one can generally tell the difference.)
She mentions your girlfriend, even though you haven’t disclosed that you have one. ✔✔✔
This is quite common, and it’s their sneaky way of forcing you to state your relationship status without actually having to ask. It doesn’t hurt to keep them guessing.
She bumps into you on dance floor. ✔✔✔
A juvenile way of getting your attention. If you still go to student clubs, you may experience this one a lot. If they are hot and they do this, at the point they bump into you, grab them by the hips to see if they rotate their hips away or accept your hold. This will tell you all you need to know.
She asks if you are gay. ✔✔✔
I’ve had this one a lot and it generally means she would like to kiss you. I call girls out on it and they normally laugh in resignation. If you flirt too much, have a really high energy and don’t qualify them, this can also be what causes them to think it. Or, of course, you could be gay.
The “double look.” ✔✔✔✔
This is a strong indicator of interest, and women’s modern-day equivalent of dropping a handkerchief at the foot of a gentleman they like. It’s basically her way of saying, “Come get me.” If you don’t go in after this second look, then they won’t do it again and the attraction can vanish.
The “far away smile.” ✔✔✔✔
Make sure you smile back, but make it a sexy smirk out of the corner of your mouth, rather than a toothy grin. One will telegraph that you are friendly, the other will be charged with sexual energy and she’ll feel it. If she is close to you as she does this, approach her as soon as you can. If she is across the room, then weave your way over to her in the next couple of minutes.
She comes back from the ladies’ room with reapplied lipstick or lip gloss. ✔✔✔✔
She is making herself pretty for you, so escalate things and pull the trigger!
She touches your chest as you are talking. ✔✔✔✔
Usually a sign that she’s very sexually attracted to you.
Her friend goes home and leaves you with her. ✔✔✔✔
Arguably the most obvious clue of all. If you notice this, have one more drink, then attempt to “extract” as soon as you can. The friend knows you’re most likely going to sleep together, so she’s leaving you to it.
Indicators of Interest From a Distance
A good rule of thumb for noticing if your presence has created an emotional impact in a girl is to look out for any significant change in her base behaviour as she first notices you. So, if you’re walking past a girl smoking a cigarette, if she freezes midway as she’s lifting it up to her mouth, then you know your presence has created that subtle interruption in her pattern. In that split second, the limbic part of her brain kicks in, before the conscious mind has a chance to take control.
I first noticed this in my own actions: whenever I would spot an attractive girl whom I wasn’t prepared for, my mouth would open ever so slightly. From this, I started to observe girls out the corner of my eye and began to notice that their posture would change, or their stride pattern, in the instance they saw me. If you observe the girls’ reactions out the corner of your eye (so they think you can’t see them), the more prominent the behavior will appear. If she notices you observing, she is more likely to quickly disguise her action.
Remember when you would enter a group at school, and everyone in the group fell silent? It was pretty obvious who they were talking about, right? Well, when you next walk past a group of girls talking, keep your ears pricked and attempt to observe if there is a significant change in the rhythm of the conversation. If there is, then as I suggested earlier, you have interrupted their base behaviour and they are now contemplating you and/or now whispering about you.
Tying it All Together
Clearly, not all girls will feel confident enough to give the “double look” or “far away smile”; in fact, most girls in most situations won’t give any kind of signal. Annoying, huh? Well, it’s a problem that many men are faced with today. As guys, we tend to rely on a signal, and the woman – not giving one – is still waiting to be approached, or for things to progress to the next level. This creates a big stand-off, where no one comes away happy.
The general rule of thumb is to stop over-analyzing and just to get chatting to her. You should assume that every girl wants to talk to you and will welcome your presence; you should try never to actively wait for a signal. If you do happen to notice one, then act upon it quickly, as the door has been opened for you. If you don’t, then a girl might lose her attraction for you, as you’re either not sharp enough to notice, or not man enough to act upon it.
When I’m “in the zone,” I switch off the analytical part of my brain and I’m experiencing the present moment to such a degree that I honestly don’t know if the girl finds me attractive. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter because I will flirt and escalate things physically regardless. As I said, however, if I notice any of the above indicators of interest because they are especially obvious, then this will cause me to ramp things up even quicker. The stronger the signal, the more you can cut corners and pull the trigger.
This article was written as a follow-up to a post entitled “What are good indicators of interest?”. If you have your own ideas for topics you’d like to see tackled, we’d love to hear from you in the comments.